


despite everything, love stays

by onigirikita



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Breaking Up & Making Up, Established Relationship, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-18
Updated: 2020-10-18
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:27:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27081913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onigirikita/pseuds/onigirikita
Summary: Most importantly, the time they spent apart also confirmed that he still loved Atsumu, despite everything. It flickered in a small flame that sat right at the center of his heart, but Kita himself wasn’t sure about what to do about that yet.Despite the blame that they put on each other and the countless of fights that broke them down, Atsumu and Kita still loves one another. Two years after their ugly breakup, they meet again in Osamu and Suna's wedding, this time with the intentions to know about the truth of their own feelings.
Relationships: Kita Shinsuke/Miya Atsumu, Miya Osamu/Suna Rintarou (Side-Pairing)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 93





	despite everything, love stays

**Author's Note:**

  * For [jeonkim](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jeonkim/gifts).



> Ok this was hella painful to write because my heart broke with each and every fight that they have here :') I hope that you'll have just as much, if not more, fun ~~pain~~ when you read this!
> 
> A **commission** fanfic for @barututut. Thank you for commissioning me, Rere<3 I hope you'll like it!
> 
>  **Trigger Warning** : Cursing, Homophobia (Hinted), and Physical Violence (Hinted).

**Spring of 2021**

Atsumu was never nervous.

If anything, he was the epitome of confidence. He walked to the court with certainty in his steps, carrying the knowledge that all of his efforts were marked into his muscles. He strode to the podium to receive his award with his chin up because he knew that after all of his hard work, he deserved the recognition.

But now, as his fingers trembled whilst tying the bow tie around Osamu’s neck, that was the only thing that Atsumu could feel.

“Yer shaking,” Osamu noted unhelpfully. Atsumu has to restrain himself from punching his twin square in the jaw, even though his response only served to irk him further. “Ya know, if ya can’t tie it, I can ask Aran-kun to–”

“No, I’m _fine_ ,” Atsumu lied through his teeth, purposely tugging at one end of the now finished bow tie tighter to serve his point, “Now just shut up for once and let me do my job, ‘Samu.” 

Osamu gave him a long, pointed look. He could _feel_ what his twin was trying to say through his squinted eyes, something along the lines of _no ya ain’t, dumbass, so stop lying_. All that Atsumu could do in retaliation was to match his reaction with a glare, daring him to point out the obvious with the consequence of a busted lip on his own wedding day.

The next words that slipped from his lips sent Atsumu reeling instead. “I know this is about _him_ , stupid. Ya sure yer okay to meet Kita-san again?”

That name, picked from a past that barely held any joy for Atsumu, was what did it for him. Hands falling limp to his sides, face now losing its fake bravado to make way for a look of regretful loss.

What made it worse for Atsumu was that he wasn’t nervous for the right reason at all. Today, he would be meeting his ex, Kita Shinsuke, for the first time in two years after their ugly breakup. Even if Atsumu already knew about their impending reunion 30 minutes ago, that didn’t make him feel any less prepared to face the truth.

Their breakup had ruined him inside out, and Atsumu wasn’t sure if he was ready to meet Kita again when his own heart was still in ruins.

*

**Winter of 2013**

Inarizaki had lost after a long and exhausting final set. They all returned to the hotel with their heads hung low, letting the shadows cast from the setting sun obscure their teary eyes. 

Kita understood, this suffocating feeling of loss. They came all the way here intending to win, after all. It hurt especially so when victory was right at the tip of their fingers. 

But they lost, and to Kita, this was just a side effect of their hard work.

Atsumu clearly doesn't share the same sentiment. Most of his teammates don't, but none of them had the energy to disagree with Kita when he said so during his after-game speech. But the hint of anger, mixing with the disappointment and tears in his golden eyes, was a clear indication of objection. His fury, unexpectedly, reduced Atsumu into his quiet self, avoiding anyone in sight to brood about their loss alone.

The soreness in his muscles almost swayed Kita’s logic into a state of panic, as he longed for Atsumu to fill the emptiness by his side and share the burden of their loss. But he steeled his resolve to find his lover, even though fatigue was starting to gnaw on his heart with every place that came up empty.

Atsumu was found sulking near the hotel’s vending machine later on, his hands clasped onto a bottle of milk tea for warmth. Kita didn’t hesitate to take a seat beside him, his hand moving automatically to lay on top of Atsumu’s palms.

After a beat of silence, Atsumu spoke first. “Winning _is_ everything, ya know,” He scowled, “Ya can go on about yer processes and side effects crap, but in the end, what brings us satisfaction and more opportunities is _victory_. Not losses nor processes.”

He first heard the sound of the plastic bottle crack under Atsumu’s pressure before he saw the glare that was fixed onto him. It rendered Kita speechless for a moment, because never has he seen Atsumu being _this_ enraged before. “We have different opinions, Atsumu. Maybe someday, I’ll come to understand your view, or maybe not. The other way around applies to you as well."

Cautiously, Kita moved one of his hands lower, taking away the bottle that was gradually losing its heat. Then, his hand nudged itself between Atsumu’s grasp, lacing his fingers in between his palms to melt into his warmth. “But in the end, we lost. And there’s nothing more that we can do about that,” Kita whispered, bitterness festering further in his heart at the admission, “So, let’s just come back inside, alright?”

The way that Atsumu ripped his hands away from his hold seemed to be the only thing that Kita could focus on amidst his shock. 

Now, Atsumu was positively _seething_ , and Kita should have seen that nothing good was going to come out of his mouth in this condition. “Don’t ya try to distract me from this, Kita!” Atsumu yelled, anger slipping through, “I bet ya don’t even _know_ what it feels to win because ya never played long enough at the court, so _shut up_!”

Kita now learned that there were a lot of things that he should have noted before agreeing to date Atsumu. Differences in life principles and his tendency to talk without thinking were just two of the many things that he should’ve had considered before.

They were just one of the many things that will later prove that their relationship was doomed from the start.

“ _Fine_ then,” Kita spat back, his well-kept composure breaking open to show his rapidly building rage, “ _I’ll_ leave you alone. Don’t stay out too long, Atsumu.” He pushed himself off from the bench, but not one step later did he feel a tug at the end of his jacket.

It was a mistake to turn around, Kita thought, because he has always been weak for Atsumu. His heart throbbed when he saw the panic that filled his boyfriend’s eyes, and for a moment, he considered dropping everything to return to his waiting embrace. 

But his anger won him over, and the damage was already done. So he turned away from Atsumu and stalked back into the hotel.

*

**Spring of 2021**

“Tell me,” Aran demanded, “What made ya come? Yer always spoutin’ that lame excuse of ‘not wanting to intrude’ when we asked ya before, yet here ya are now.”

Three sets of eyes that belonged to Aran, Oomimi, and Akagi showed clear exasperation for him, and Kita can’t help but agree that he, too, was exasperated at himself. To impulsively go on a two-hour drive from his farm to Osaka, simply to attend a wedding that he initially didn’t plan to go to wasn’t very like him. He barely even had the time to shoot Osamu a text to announce his sudden decision, which wasn’t a proper thing to do at all.

And yet, the reason itself was still vague for Kita. On the road, he tried to convince himself that he’s doing this for Osamu, simply because he’d begged for him to come. He even threw in his high school reunion to further validate this impromptu trip.

But deep in his heart, where past joys and sorrows lingered about, another reason was given in the form of Miya Atsumu. Days that he spent on his farm were enough to breed his curiosity, wanting to know if he was truly doing okay like how the news portrayed him to be. Months of having no contact cultivated the longing in his heart, and the information from his twin was never enough to atone for that. Two years after their breakup, his heart has yet to heal from the scars that he got from it.

Most importantly, the time they spent apart also confirmed that he still loved Atsumu, despite everything. It flickered in a small flame that sat right at the center of his heart, but Kita himself wasn’t sure about what to do about that yet. 

Perhaps, as ambiguous as it was, that could count as a reason, too.

“Yer not here because of Atsumu, are ya?” Oomimi suddenly asked, noting how Kita suddenly grew silent. 

“Who knows,” Kita simply replied with the truth. Groans of frustration followed his response.

“I can’t believe ya, Shin!” Akagi cried, “Ya had us all worried, thinking that we might never see ya again in any of our reunions! And here ya are now, just because ya want to give love a shot _again_?” 

“That’s _not_ what I said, Michinari,” Kita swiftly countered, even if that was partially the truth, “He might be one of the reasons, yes. But–”

“Who’s one of the reasons for what?” A new voice suddenly joined their conversation.

His heartbeat stopped along with the sudden silence that swept through. There was no need for him to turn and see who it was, because the lilt and smoothness of his voice were memorized perfectly in his mind. Putting a name to the voice came naturally.

 _This was it_ , Kita suddenly knew for sure. _The reason why._

“Atsumu.” Kita greeted first. His heart resumed its beating once their silence was broken, but he could feel the tell-tale sign of erraticness growing from it. Slowly building as he took in the light blond hair that was swept to the side and honey golden eyes that looked surprised upon noticing him. 

They held each other’s gaze, too busy getting lost in each other’s eyes that the world faded into nothing. Atsumu was healthy, Kita pleasantly noted first. He was still as handsome as ever, was what came second in mind. His third thought was a stretch, possibly a projection from something that even he wasn’t sure about, but he caught the awe sparkling from Atsumu’s eyes and thought that there might be love harbored in them.

Atsumu _always_ looked at him like that, back when love still tied them together.

“Ya actually came,” Atsumu replied, and the astonishment in his eyes never dwindled with each passing moment. They were warm and persistent, effectively breaking through Atsumu’s usually well-put composure. Kita found himself melting along with it, letting the familiarity of those beloved eyes lure him in.

It was faint, but Kita was sure that he felt the flicker in his heart grew bigger because of Atsumu. 

“I did,” Kita confirmed, and somehow the reason was starting to become clear for him.

*

**Summer of 2018**

The video was the first thing that popped into Atsumu’s Instagram feed.

It was only 7 seconds long, but the duration was more than enough to convey the joyful news to those who came across the post. Bokuto was pressed side-by-side with Akaashi, faces glowing with glee as they showed off the golden wedding band on their fingers. 

“We’re getting married!” They both cheerfully cried, and the video ended there.

Atsumu lets the video play repeatedly, their excited voices filling a home that felt treacherously cold in the summer. 

He was undeniably happy for them, of course. Bokuto and Akaashi were a thing from back when they were in Fukurodani, so to see them finally tying the knot was like witnessing the living proof that love can beat all odds.

But jealousy was also spreading in his heart, and it was getting harder for him to refute its presence. As Atsumu took a glance at Kita, who was busy taking care of his crops outside, a part of him dangerously thought that their relationship could barely compare to the newly-weds, even though they’ve been dating just as long as they were.

Perhaps it was because that one hope in his heart could never seem to be filled by Kita.

“Hey Shin,” Atsumu called, later in the evening, “Can I post this picture of us on Instagram?” 

It was a picture of them taken in the yellowing paddy field that Kita owned. They stood close enough to the camera so that their faces were visible, with Atsumu’s arms circled tightly around his waist and face half-hidden as he nuzzled Kita’s neck. It was a photo they took a year ago, but the intimacy showcased there never failed to make Kita’s heart flutter.

“For Instagram, ya say?” Kita considered, eyebrows now raised warily. The hesitance openly shown in his lover’s face was starting to bring his hope down, but Atsumu hummed his answer anyway. “Isn’t this a bit too much to be posted there?” 

In a twisted, sickening way, Atsumu doesn’t feel that familiar bitterness that always came from Kita’s subtle rejection. Perhaps it was because he already saw his refusal from a mile away, or he was desensitized enough after the countless times that his lover had let him down on this request. 

But what came in place of said bitterness was resentment, and it arrived like the waves of a raging sea, drowning Atsumu in that poisonous feeling.

“Why is it always ‘a bit _too much’ _for ya, Shin?” Atsumu gritted out, feeling his patience snap at that very moment, “We’re acting like any normal couple out there. I don’t see why you’d think of this picture like so– we’re _definitely_ keeping our PDA to the minimum there, and we aren’t even nude or anything! Heck, why do I _always_ have to ask for yer permission to post our photos on social media, when ya never even bother to say yes?”__

__Kita glanced at Atsumu before he let out a heavy sigh as if he was _tired_ of having this talk, even though this was the first time that Atsumu revolted against his wish. Kita’s reaction only seemed to grate on Atsumu’s feelings even further. “It’s better if we keep our relationship away from the public, ‘Tsumu. _You_ know about this better than I do,” Kita carefully said, “People will talk when they know about us, and they don’t always talk kindly. That’s why it’s better if we just keep to ourselves.”_ _

__The resentment was starting to become unbearable, and Atsumu resorted to ball his hands into a fist to quell them. “For cryin’ out loud, I _know_ that Shin!” He cried in frustration, “But the thing is, I want to show ya off to the world and share my happiness with them! Yet yer never giving me the chance to! Not even to post a picture of us that was taken from _afar_ and _appropriately_. I’ve been obeying yer refusal for 3 damn years, Shin; don’t ya think we could post a picture of us, just this once?”_ _

__The frown on Kita’s face deepened, and Atsumu’s heart had cracked first before he even said anything. “And risk the public to talk badly about us; about _you_?” Kita hissed, finally letting his own emotions consume him, “I don’t think ya understand the full extent of what’s gonna happen if ya do that, ‘Tsumu. People still aren’t kind to folks like _us_ , no matter what age we live in. Putting our picture up there could even put yer _career_ at stake. Ya can’t just risk something so important like that!”_ _

__The sound of a bang shocked them both from their fight, and Atsumu’s fists were now in contact with the kitchen table. How that’d happened goes unexplained, but all that he knew was that it was too late to back out now._ _

__“My career _won’t_ be affected by this!” Atsumu yelled, and there was nothing left in him but fury for his lover, “Bokkun and Akaashi-kun had announced that they’re getting married, and people congratulated them! Omi-kun and Wakatoshi-kun openly held hands in public, and no one made a problem out of ‘em! I don’t get why ya fear the public’s reactions so much when my gay athlete friends are doing just _fine_ being romantic in public.”_ _

__Kita visibly flinched at Atsumu’s last sentence, but he was too distraught to properly care. Before Kita had the chance to reply, Atsumu had cut him off, “Ya know what? Just forget it. I know I ain’t gonna be able to convince ya to do otherwise,” Atsumu bitterly spat, “But the worst part is, I just _know_ that yer cold logic is asking about why I’m making such fuss out of an Instagram post. But it’s deeper than _that_ , Shin. Because yer startin’ to make me feel like yer ashamed of our relationship, especially with how insistent ya are on keeping us a secret.”_ _

__Atsumu walked out of the kitchen, purposely ignoring Kita’s pleas to come back. He didn’t get to reach the door of his house before Kita’s arms held him from leaving._ _

__“You know that I’m never ashamed of us, Atsumu,” Kita weakly croaked, grip tightened around his waist as a silent plea to stay, “Keeping things to ourselves doesn’t mean that I’m ashamed of us in any way.”_ _

__The sudden dampness on his shirt was felt, and the sobs from Kita’s lips were heard. But Atsumu was hurting, and for once, he wanted to be selfish._ _

__So he carefully untangled Kita’s arms from his body and opened the door, despite the part of him that begged him to do otherwise. “Yeah? Cause it feels like that to me, Shin.”_ _

__The slam of the door was loud enough to hide Kita’s cries._ _

__*_ _

__**Spring of 2021** _ _

__There was no certainty in his steps. His chin was pulled down as he walked. No such thing as natural confidence oozed out of him today; only a faked sureness that can be seen by those who truly knew Atsumu well._ _

__Atsumu gingerly took the microphone from the wedding host’s hand, and his eyes flickered to Osamu and Suna before he started his speech. On the outside, those bastards– Osamu, especially –looked like they regretted picking him as one of their best men. But there was an inkling of sympathy hidden in their eyes, and he wondered if his nervousness was that obvious to some._ _

__Yet the microphone was in his hand, and time was running out._ _

__He inhaled and exhaled._ _

__“Now, since these lovebirds are incapable of making new friends, they’re stuck with the same social circle for _years_ , so there’s really no need to introduce myself anymore,” Atsumu started, eyes now taking in the chuckling audience that was mostly filled with professional volleyball players, “And I bet yer all thinkin’ that I’m gonna use this chance to roast them for one last time, since I _do_ have blackmail material about them–” He heard Osamu shout to _hurry the fuck up, asshole,_ and he has to fight down his laughter at his twin’s desperation, “But I’m gonna be nice, like I _always_ am, and proceed to give a proper best man speech for them.” The sound of Suna’s groan followed suit._ _

__He caught sight of Kita in the crowd, with his eyes blown wide in rapt attention and lips pulled into a ghost of a smile. The speech that was memorized in his mind instantly turned into a jumble of words, and so was the already irregular pace of his heartbeat, now seemingly beating right at his throat. Atsumu faltered for a moment as he scrambled to recollect himself._ _

__But all that he could see was Kita, his smile stretching wider in encouragement. His lips were mouthing some words, and it took a few tries before the meaning truly sank in Atsumu’s mind: _you can do this.__ _

__He inhaled and exhaled, eyes now focusing on Kita as his anchor._ _

__“They’ve been together since they were in high school, and it pains me to admit this to _them_ , but that’s one hell of a relationship there,” Atsumu started again, his eyes never straying from Kita’s gaze. _ _

__Atsumu’s heartbeat was still pounding fast, but in a melody that was pleasant and familiar for him. The change was welcomed by him, and so was the confidence that was gradually coming back._ _

__“But ya guys dated for around, what– 9 years? And ya somehow managed to stay together without killing each other. Yer both basically married at this point, so there’s nothing much that I can wish ya both except for this: patience and understanding. Ya both might already feel like ya know each other best, but there are problems in life that might show things that ya never thought about yer partner before. Differences in life principles start to arise, personality clashes are inevitable, and problems about effort are always around. I hope that, if ya both ever have to be in a situation like those, ya both will be patient and understanding with one another. That’s the key to any relationship, after all.”_ _

__The crowd seemed stunned at the fact that Atsumu gave a genuine speech, and it took them a moment to recover from it to give their applause. He bowed and made his way off of the stage, but not before catching hazel eyes that were sparkling with pride._ _

__It wasn’t the first time that Atsumu lost his breath today because of Kita, and he feared that this might not be the last either._ _

__*_ _

__**Autumn of 2019** _ _

__Kita knew that he wouldn’t feel this angry towards Atsumu if it were any other year. 2019 just happened to be a _very_ rough year for them._ _

__They haven’t met each other for the past three consecutive months, with how their distance and respective activities kept them apart. With the V.League season starting this month, Atsumu’s training regimen was doubled a few weeks prior, and he doesn’t visit during weekends anymore. Kita was also stuck in taking care of his crops and grandmother, only being able to visit the city during his monthly rice delivery. Even then, Atsumu wasn’t able to meet him at all when he dropped by his twin’s restaurant._ _

__This was the longest that they’ve gone without seeing each other in their 7 years of relationship._ _

__Their last resort to feel physically close was through late-night calls, and even then, most of it ended with them pointing their fingers at one another. Fatigue from their own responsibilities seeping through static._ _

__Kita hated to admit this, but he felt like the spark of their relationship was rapidly dimming because of it. It felt like years of history was coming to an end, but he wasn’t ready for it to; will probably _never_ be ready for it to finish._ _

__He was reminded of that one, specific thought that came during their first fight as a couple, and a part of him ached when he remembered: maybe their relationship was doomed from the start, with their incompatibilities._ _

___Were they, really?_ Kita found himself asking._ _

__When he opened his eyes to see a panicked Atsumu crouching in front of him, all that Kita felt was anger that came rising all at once. The sleepiness in his eyes was gone immediately as he pushed Atsumu away. He even stood up from his seat and took a few steps back, distancing himself from Atsumu’s outstretched arms._ _

__The shocked expression on Atsumu’s face didn’t help to temper his rage._ _

__“Why’d ya bother to come?” Kita sharply asked, not bothering to hide his disappointment, “No, why did ya even _say_ that you’ll come? We both know that we’re busy today, ‘Tsumu. We could’ve postponed our anniversary celebration instead of forcing it to be held today, as _ya_ asked to! I cooked, waited, and hoped that you’ll come on time, but look at where we are now.”_ _

__Placed on the dinner table at Kita’s kitchen were dishes that he made hours before, with the intention to be enjoyed during the night of their anniversary. Now, most of the food has turned stale, and even the candle that Kita lit has already died. He had accidentally fallen asleep in the kitchen while foolishly waiting for Atsumu to come, and he was rudely roused awake to face this bitter reality._ _

__What grated Kita further on was the fact that Atsumu insisted to celebrate their anniversary today, despite his hectic schedule. He made the promise that he’ll arrive around dinner, even though his practice finished close around that time._ _

__Yet Atsumu came around midnight, _hours_ later than he promised to, and everything was now ruined. _ _

__“I thought I could make it!” Atsumu cried in defense, and the panic in his face seemed genuine, “I seriously thought that I could make it, Shin! But practice went on later than usual, and I wasn’t allowed to knock off early. So I missed the initial train, and–”_ _

__The anger inside of him seemed to spread with Atsumu’s every word, and Kita wanted nothing more from him than to _stop, stop, stop_. “Stop talking, Atsumu,” Kita sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, “I know ya said that ya tried, but it doesn’t feel like ya did to me. What I’m trying to say is that ya didn’t _need_ to rush our celebration. We could’ve had it tomorrow, or the day after that, and I would’ve been fine with that rather than having... _this_.” His hand motioned to their surrounding, and from the dread that filled Atsumu’s eyes, Kita knew he understood what he meant._ _

__Atsumu gulped, and his voice cracked with pain as he asked the next question. “So you’re saying that I’m... _not_ trying?”_ _

__“If ya did, ya would’ve been here earlier, wouldn’t ya?” This was simple logic to Kita. He didn’t feel any remorse as he pointed out the truth, but his words seemed to be interpreted in another way by Atsumu._ _

__Atsumu lowered his head, his hands now balled into a fist by his sides. Kita noticed the sharp intake of his breath first before he caught sight of his shaking shoulders._ _

__“What about you, then?” Atsumu croaked, slowly raising his head to show the tears that now lined his cheeks. Kita’s heart twisted in pain at the heartwrenching sight, and he cursed at himself for not thinking his words through; for turning this into a much bigger problem than it already was. “At least I _tried_ to make it here. I offered to come, and although I’m late, I’m _here_. While you? Ya never offered to come, Shin. All that ya did was offer to _postpone_ , but ya ain’t saying that you’ll ever come for me.”_ _

__Kita sighed again, feeling more than tired by the minute. Their fight was raging even further, yet he didn’t see anything to help him stop the impending storm from coming. Atsumu was crying even harder now, yet Kita’s pride was holding him back from bringing any sense of comfort to him. “That’s because I know that I can’t, Atsumu. I know my schedule well and I make decisions realistically judging on that.”_ _

__His rationale only poured fuel into the fire of Atsumu’s anger. “But ya never tried to find time in yer busy schedule! Ya only swing by when it’s the time of the month to deliver rice, but ya never come _willingly_ these past few months! Yer saying that I ain’t putting any effort into this relationship, while yer just sitting here, _waiting_ for me to come?” Atsumu yelled, his tone rising further as he tried to pinpoint the blame on Kita as well._ _

__Something in Kita’s heart seemed to snap at Atsumu’s accusation, and any intention to hold back on this fight was _gone, gone, gone_. “And yet when I’m in the city, ya never came!” Kita yelled back, matching the intensity with Atsumu’s level. He _never_ once yelled at Atsumu before, and the shock that they both felt because of it was visible: Atsumu gasped upon hearing them, while Kita himself felt his own eyes widen. But the frustration at being accused of _not giving any effort_ was breaking his restraint with each passing second, so he continued, “And I never once blamed you for it because I know yer busy! What are ya even trying to say, Atsumu? If yer going to keep on talking about effort and putting the blame on me as well, then this talk is getting pointless!” _ _

__Atsumu took a step forward, and another, and Kita warily eyed his shaking fists. Is this how their fight was going to end, in a _brawl?_ Kita can’t help but wonder. They were standing face-to-face now, and the warm breath from Atsumu’s lips doesn’t bring any ease in the chilly temperature of the kitchen, “I’m saying that I’m tired of _this_. Of _us_. And I don’t feel like you’re giving just as much effort as I do.” Atsumu harshly spat, and the implication of his words tore Kita’s heart._ _

__The storm finally came, and it wrecked everything that they had built together. Their relationship wasn’t going down in a fistfight, but instead in words that were said out of fury, with their pride withholding them from fixing this messy problem. They were clearly sinking, yet in these raging waters that drowned them in anger, using their last breath to hurt each other seemed dreadfully _right_._ _

__“How can you say that?” Kita hissed, and he pointed towards the table, “What do ya call _this_ , then? I put effort into this relationship, too, Atsumu! If ya feel that I don’t, should we just break up, then? Maybe then you’d be able to find someone who does give effort in your eyes!”_ _

__With the anger swirling inside of him, the offer slipped easily from Kita’s lips, and the realization struck him only until it was out in the open. The end of a history; 7 years of love, now finished._ _

__The offer was now up; a way to escape from this rocky relationship that was _clearly_ harming them both._ _

__Yet for a moment, the anger in Atsumu’s eyes disappeared as the words fully sunk into his mind. The sudden fear that overtook his features brought a searing pain in Kita’s heart, and the part of him that still loved Atsumu thought that _this was a mistake_ ; that he longed to wipe the tears in his face and fix the broken pieces of his heart in one, long embrace. _ _

__Now, Kita wondered if breaking up was what he truly wanted; if it wasn’t just a product of his fit of anger._ _

__But before he could retract his words, Atsumu glared at him again, resentment thrown at him from the honey golden eyes that he loved. “ _Fine_ ,” Atsumu gritted, and the finality in his voice left no gaps of doubts for Kita, “We’re over. Thanks for the fucking 7 years, then.”_ _

__Atsumu started walking out of the kitchen, heading straight to the door of the house. He walked with his head held high, and there were no signs that he would turn back to apologize; to say that agreeing to the breakup was a stupid decision made in the heat of the moment._ _

__Kita, too, was rooted to the floor as he watched Atsumu go. The pang in his heart grew stronger with every stride that Atsumu took, yet there was no drive inside of him that pushed him to run after him. He found himself in a limbo of needing Atsumu to come back; to tell him that he still loved him, even after their fight, yet a part of him also wondered if this decision was truly the best for them; if it was better off letting it end this way._ _

__When the door finally slammed shut, all that Kita could think of was that he never truly wanted to let Atsumu go._ _

__*_ _

__**Spring of 2021** _ _

__The wedding was held in a banquet hall that was connected to a lovely yard, with blooming wisteria trees acting as the natural fence. When Kita felt like he already did enough socializing with his friends, he escaped to the yard to get some fresh air. He slipped past the few guests that were already there, aiming towards the only wisteria tree with vines that almost touched the ground, pulling Kita in with the promise of privacy._ _

__Carefully, Kita pushed some of the vines aside like how he would swipe a curtain open, and he stepped into the enclosed space before letting go. He sighed once he knew that he was alone, but his ease turned to be short-lived._ _

__“Shinsuke?” His voice was called in a whisper, tender and soft and _familiar_. Kita’s eyes snapped open to see Atsumu sat on the ground, leisurely leaning onto the wooden bark. His eyes were rounded with shock as he took Kita in, mouth agape in awe._ _

__Oddly enough, Atsumu didn’t feel the nervous thrum that came when he saw Kita again for the first time. Perhaps it was because the wedding wore him out already, or maybe it was due to the wine that he drank. But he didn’t feel disturbed at Kita’s presence, and he felt like he _yearned_ for it instead. After what transpired during his speech, Atsumu _hoped_ that he’d have a chance to talk with Kita alone, and here they were._ _

__There was definitely an inkling of pride– of _love_ –in Kita’s eyes earlier, and Atsumu _needed_ to know the truth about them._ _

__Under Atsumu’s attention, Kita was the one who felt nervous instead, and the ecstatic pace of his heartbeat returned. Atsumu was finally _there_ , alone and within his grasp, yet Kita wasn’t sure about what to do next._ _

__He first noticed that Atsumu looked serene this way: bathed in the gentle purple shadows from the vines and the golden glow of the setting sun that managed to filter in, face and body relaxed as the tension from before slipped away. Honey golden eyes were patiently waiting for his next move, and it was then that Kita realized he was invading his privacy._ _

__But from the years of mastering how to read Atsumu, the openness in his expression hinted that he didn’t seem to mind Kita’s presence. This realization brought a funny, tingly sensation into his stomach, and with it came a surge of bravery that Kita rode. “Is it okay if I stay here for a while?” Kita carefully asked, and Atsumu nodded in turn; patting the patch of grass by his right side._ _

__Atsumu watched quietly as Kita shuffled over, his eyes never leaving his face. His heart soared when Kita finally plopped by his side, just a small distance away from him. With his legs curled to his chest, arms crossed on top of his knees, and head resting on top of them._ _

__Long gone was the nervousness that Atsumu felt, as all that he could think of was about how _natural_ this moment felt; like they were now back to a time when everything was fine between them._ _

__The heavy gaze that came from Atsumu was obvious, and Kita’s eyes were met with those honey eyes that were full of intensity. Pupils dilated like he couldn’t take all of Kita in; like he _craved_ to catalogue every little change on his features for the past two years._ _

__Now, Kita felt like he knew what he really came for._ _

__“Ya seem to be doing well, Atsumu,” Kita started, lips pulled into a small smile, “Ya look like yer taking care of yerself well.”_ _

__A snort came from Atsumu, and Kita’s heart ached at how long it had been since he last heard that noise. “I’ve been takin’ care of myself well because of ya, Shin,” The way that Atsumu still used his nickname made Kita’s heart tremble, “Ya were always nagging me about looking out for myself, and the habit just... stuck with me ever since.”_ _

__Kita hummed, noting the pleasant tingle in his stomach at how his habit still lingered in Atsumu’s life. “Ya looked healthy as well. I bet yer still doing that farm work all by yerself, hence why yer still looking good after all this time.” Atsumu easily replied._ _

__This time, it was Kita’s turn to look shocked, his eyes widening at Atsumu’s last words. It took a second too long for Atsumu to realize what he had said: that he had complimented Kita for _still looking good_ even after their breakup. The sudden warmth that filled his face was inevitable, and he turned away from Kita to hide his embarrassingly blushing cheeks._ _

__A soft chuckle pulled Atsumu away from his panic, eyes flickered towards Kita to witness his crinkled eyes and pink cheeks. This Kita, showing emotions without any restraint, felt familiar and intimate for him, and Atsumu’s heart seemed to soar higher at the thought he could still have this effect on him, even after all this time._ _

__Hope started to bubble inside of his heart, and Atsumu willed himself to ask for the truth._ _

__“Why are ya here, Shin?” Atsumu asked, his voice weaker than he meant them to be as the months of agony seeped through, “Ya never considered coming before, yet ya suddenly changed yer mind right before the wedding starts? That doesn’t sound like ya at all.”_ _

__Kita found himself chuckling again, feeling somewhat happy about Atsumu’s guess. “I’m glad ya still know me well enough after all this time, then.”_ _

__He was obviously stalling to tell the reason, and from the sharpness in Atsumu’s eyes, he knew about this as well. But there were many thoughts and things that Kita wanted to say to Atsumu, and finding the right words to say seemed difficult._ _

__“I don’t think I could ever forget anything about ya even if I tried, Shin,” Atsumu admitted, voice growing softer in his honesty, “Why are ya actually here? Tell me.” He croaked._ _

__They were now staring eye-to-eye, no barrier between them as they peeked into each other’s soul. Atsumu waited with his breath held, hope evident in his eyes as he longed for the truth. Kita’s eyes were hesitant and guarded, but the spark of love that sat at the center of his heart was visible through his eyes._ _

__“It was because of ya,” Kita finally whispered, and the heaviness of his secret escaped through his words, “At first, I tried to convince myself that ya weren’t the reason; that I’m here because Osamu asked me to, and I didn’t want to miss a full-team reunion. But then ya showed up there, ‘Tsumu, in yer stupidly sharp three-piece suit and soft blond hair, and ya still looked at me like ya did back then– so full of _love_ –and the reason just... clicked within me. It’s definitely because of ya.”_ _

__The reason felt shallow if it was _just because_ of Atsumu; there must’ve been a deeper reason. “But _why_?” Atsumu pressed on, the desperation starting to show._ _

__Kita gulped, feeling a certain thrill at being read so easily by Atsumu. The reason, then, came spilling out of his lips easier than Kita thought it would. “Because I still love ya, ‘Tsumu. Despite everything that happened between us.” He breathed out, meaning every single word that he said._ _

__Hearing his sudden confession, Atsumu’s expression changed, the hope in his eyes morphing to show the bitterness that gnawed at his heart ever since their breakup. “If ya still loved me, why did ya ask to break up back then?” He urged on, feeling his anger build with the alarmed look that crossed Kita’s face. Tears were now pooling in his eyes as he relived all the pain that he went through, and it was getting difficult to control his composure now._ _

__Kita’s heart broke at the sharp glare that Atsumu fixed in, and he supposed this kind of reaction was expected. Ever so slowly, he slid closer towards Atsumu’s shaking figure._ _

__“Because I thought that this relationship was getting nowhere back then, even if we still love each other,” Kita’s truthful reply seemed to be what did it for Atsumu, as the tears now trickled free from his eyes, “All that we did was _fight, fight,_ and _fight_ , and how can I not feel tired after all of that, ‘Tsumu? It felt like breaking up was the best logical option for us to take; it’ll stop us from hurting each other anymore.”_ _

__His hands carefully crept towards Atsumu’s, grabbing a hold of large yet soft hands that were diligently taken care of. Kita intertwined their fingers together, and the faint squeeze that Atsumu gave them seemed to hold him from crying as well._ _

__“But that’s the _logical_ choice,” Atsumu countered, a part of him hoped that Kita would answer no for his next question, “What about you? Did _you_ want to break up with me?” He asked again._ _

__Kita sighed, and somehow, Atsumu already knew the answer before he said it. “No, _never_. And I’m sorry for making that decision, ‘Tsumu,” Kita apologized earnestly. More tears fell from Atsumu’s eyes at that, his anger slowly dissipating along with it, “I’m sorry that the decision was made in the heat of the moment.” _ _

__His admission brought some sense of comfort to Atsumu, knowing that Kita didn’t make that decision without much consideration; knowing that maybe he still wanted the relationship to last._ _

__But then he remembered the pain that he went through for the next two years after his words, and the anger sprouted from his heart once more._ _

__“God, I _hated_ you so much because of it, Shin,” Atsumu said, the tears flowing further down his cheeks, “Do you even know how hurt I was because of it? I felt like I lost a part of myself; like you took my heart with you as you left! Ya might notice that I’m doing just fine on TV– I still played well, I still came up in advertisements, I still show up at interviews –but the thing is, I felt dead inside ever since. I still enjoy my life as an athlete, but something was missing throughout my days, and it drove me nuts because I know that yer the one that I needed; yer the missing piece to complete me! But we broke up, and none of us tried to reconnect, and it killed me on the inside knowing that I thought I lost ya for good.”_ _

__Atsumu harshly pulled his hands away from Kita’s grasp, clawing at his hair whilst trying to dry his tears with the back of his palm. With every shudder that escaped his lips, Kita’s guilt washed over again and again, and he knew that this was a wound that would take a long time to heal._ _

__Gently, Kita caught Atsumu’s frantic hands and pulled them away, letting them rest on his thighs. His own hands, smaller and more delicate than Atsumu’s, tenderly cupped his jaws and wiped at the tears with his thumb. In his arms, Atsumu was pliant and defenseless, surrendering himself to Kita as he showed just how broken he was on the inside. Atsumu didn’t hesitate to melt into his touch, and somehow, they both knew that they longed and needed this moment._ _

__“I’m sorry,” Kita croaked again, his own tears now streaming down, “I’m sorry for everything, ‘Tsumu, but I was hurting as well. We weren’t doing well before the breakup, and I never told you about how frustrated I was because of it. Our last fight blew up because of that, and that’s why I was so angry at you back then.”_ _

__“After that, I kept on wondering if ya were okay. I kept on missing ya in every moment of my life. The news that I saw about ya and the stories that Osamu told me was never enough to help me cope with yer absence, but I was too scared to try again. I thought ya really were done with me at that moment, so I never dared to reach back.” Kita ended his explanation with a sniff, eyes now cast down to the grass in shame._ _

__They were both clearly hurting after all this time._ _

__“Sorry that I hurt you as well, Shin, and sorry for everything that happened between us,” Atsumu muttered, carefully sliding his face in Kita’s palms to lay a soft kiss to one of his palms, “And somehow, yer now here, and I still feel like I did all those years ago.”_ _

__Atsumu felt his heart starting to race in that sweet, intimate melody. He blinked the rest of his tears away to see Kita better, and he was delighted to know that his own hazel eyes were now filled with hope._ _

__“What do you feel?” Kita inquired, feeling like he was given another chance to taste happiness. Somehow, he already could guess what Atsumu tried to say._ _

__Atsumu inhaled and exhaled. “That I still love you, even after all this time,” He easily admitted, and his smile grew wider when he saw the look of relief that washed over Kita’s face._ _

__Perhaps his past self was wrong, Kita thought at that moment. Because this _didn’t_ feel like a relationship that was doomed to end soon._ _

__Kita carefully pulled his hands away from Atsumu’s face, closing the distance to lay his forehead right onto Atsumu’s own, “What are we gonna do now, then?” Kita breathlessly questioned, eagerness and fear mixing together, “We both still love each other, yes. But what if we grow tired of one another again? What if we fought like before?”_ _

__This time, Atsumu brought his hands up to cup Kita’s cheeks, and Kita didn’t miss a beat as his own hands clasped onto Atsumu’s. There was fear and hesitance that lingered in his voice, and Atsumu felt the trauma from his agony ripple inside of him as well. To accept that they still love each other was the easiest part; to decide what happens next, with the current state of their hearts, was the hardest._ _

__“I’m not sure myself,” Atsumu truthfully answered, causing Kita’s eyes to widen in shock at how calm he sounded, “But, all that I know is that I’m willing to try again; to be more patient and understanding with us. Would that be enough?” Atsumu questioned with hope._ _

__Kita stayed silent, taking in Atsumu’s eyes that were staring at him with a sense of sureness that convinced him to take this leap of faith together. He wanted to be with Atsumu again; needed him to be someone to share his happiness with. And perhaps, patience and understanding would be enough._ _

__With that, Kita sealed his deal by claiming Atsumu’s lips in a passionate kiss, only letting go when their lungs burned for oxygen and the butterflies in their stomach were threatening to burst. They were giggling a mess at the end of it, and Kita muttered his choice with a confidence that never felt more sure in his life. “Yes, I suppose it would.”_ _

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading this far, and I hope you like it! Kudos and comments are appreciated!
> 
> For those of you who might be confused about the timeline, hope this helps!  
> 1) **Winter of 2013** : Spring Interhigh 2013, Karasuno vs. Inarizaki.  
> 2) **Summer of 2018** : A few months before the MSBY vs. Black Jackals match.  
> 3) **Autumn of 2019** : Japan V.League starts around October.  
> 4) **Spring of 2021** : Suna and Osamu's wedding.
> 
> Come talk to me on **Twitter** : @onigirikita


End file.
